I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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