you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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