I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
