bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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