i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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