My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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