Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
barbara walters just said penis...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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