The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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