some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
