just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
