thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
