I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
