Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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