I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
