i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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