Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
