So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
