Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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