I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
