Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
