Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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