Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
