so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He passed out mid-signature
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
