omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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