btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
