U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
