I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
