I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
