Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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