I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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