Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
