@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
