I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
