i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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