I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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