I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
