i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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