Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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