Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
