im drinking this country out of the recession.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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