call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
cat food counts as protein by the way
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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