I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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