Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
