Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
