Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
