now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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