I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
