my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
