After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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