i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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